Hate That I Love You
by Just.A.Lovatic
Summary: Two months. It's been that long. Two months since I broke up with Chad and I'm absolutely miserable. I want him, no I need him more than I've ever needed another person in my life. Why though? I broke up with him, shouldn't it be the other way around? Unfortunately, it's not. Sonny/Chad
1. Chapter 1

**So, I wrote this story about...a year and a half ago? Yeah, wow that's long! Anyways i just fixed it up and now after being a little file on my computer for so long, it's finally on fanfiction for all to see! :) It's going to divided into two chapter's so here is the first half. I don't know how crazy about this story i still am, but i really hope you all are and enjoy reading it. :D**

* * *

I sat on my couch in my dressing room crying as I so often did lately. It was February 19th. Officially 2 months since me and Chad broke up. I know I broke up with him and I shouldn't be the one crying, but I couldn't help it. I didn't want to break up with him, but I mean what he did was unforgivable and anyone would have done the same thing. Things around so random have been great, we've gotten so many more fans and views and I'm closer to my cast than ever. So why was I crying?

I still loved him. As much as I really didn't want to, I wished he'd come and tell me how sorry he is and how much he misses me. I hated this. If my cast knew I was crying over Chad still after so long they would freak out. As close as me and my cast have gotten recently, the more they hate Mackenzie falls and especially Chad.

I got up and stared at myself in the mirror. Was I ever gonna get over him. No. I needed him he was like the blood in my veins. He is I all I ever think about and I would never love anyone like I love him.

Since we broke up we don't see as much anymore, which is very upsetting. Only in lunch and he never looks at our table, but its not his fault. My cast completely freaked out and threatened him and everything.

Even though I never see him doesn't stop me from completely loving him. Why did he have to be so stupid? I hate him…..no I don't. I couldn't take this I needed some fresh air.

I wiped away my tears and left my dressing room. I heard Nico and Grady coming down the hallway and I didn't want them to see me so I ran down the other hallway. Stupid move, I was heading for Mackenzie falls.

I stopped and admired the halls I used to know and walk down everyday, but not anymore. I was so distracted that I didn't see anyone coming. Then bam! We crashed. I didn't even have to look up to see who it was, I knew.

He was reading his script and hadn't seen me either. "I'm sorry…" he started without knowing it was me yet.

"….Sonny!"he whispered shocked. When he finally saw me. His voice was scared and nervous when he said my name.

I couldn't reply. I finally looked at him and our eyes met.

I think we were like that for a century. Just standing there in the middle of the hallway looking at each other. It's not that we haven't spoken since that day, it's just we never looked in each other's eyes like this.

"Were you crying?" he asked anxious. Damit! That was why he was starring at me, because he thought I was crying. Ohh I thought we were having a moment.

"umm no" I said wiping away my tears again. One of the things I loved about Chad was that he always knows when I was sad.

"Yes you were, are you ok?" he asked interested. No, I wasn't.

"Yeah I just just…." and I broke out crying again. Why was I doing this? Not in front of Chad. I think it was just because of how much I miss him, but he couldn't know that.

"Hey, it's ok" he said concerned. I should have ran away, far far away from him as possible. But I couldn't. He should've left too, I mean Tawni would kill him if he saw me crying in front of him. She would think he tried to hurt me again or something. But, no he stood there concerned about me.

The longer we stayed like that the more I wanted to cry. I wanted to tell him I that I still loved him. "No, it's not ok." I said though my tears.

"Oh my god, what happened?"He asked concerned. Like he doesn't know, but he actually doesn't. Why does he care. He's supposed to be a jerk and rude, not caring and sensitive. No he's still the same jerk he used to be, he didn't change.

He extended his hand to help me off the ground. I didn't know if I should take it, but I did and I felt that same stupid spark I used to every time we touched.

"Did your cast do something?"he asked. Chad looked really worried and I realized he wasn't going to leave.

"No, it's just.."I started. I knew he wouldn't leave unless I gave him some reason. " I .. I hit my head and it hurts." I lied. He didn't believe me. No one would, but what was I gonna tell him, I can't live without him.

"your lying."he stated. I tried not to look in his eyes again. He noticed. "Did I do something?"he asked fearfully. Yes, yes you did. You did everything you big stupid idiot. I didn't know what to say.

I wasn't crying that hard anymore and I looked at him blankly and did nothing.

"Do you wanna talk?" he asked uneasy. I did I really did, but I knew I shouldn't. I nodded knowing I would regret this later. If I was ever gonna get over him I shouldn't be even looking at him let alone talking to him.


	2. Chapter 2

We went to his dressing room and I sat on his couch. Hundreds of memories filled my head as I look at the familiar room. Chad came back with a cup of hot chocolate, my favorite, our favorite. We used to drink it all the time together and talk. I missed this so much and I was dying on the inside, but I tried to act like I could care less.

"Thanks," I said. I took a sip and almost started crying again. He always made the best hot chocolate and I hadn't drank it since the last time he made it for me.

"Is it not good?" he said when he saw that I was almost crying again.

"No, no it great." I stared at the drink and tried not to look at him.

"So you died your hair black again." he said trying to start a conversation.

"Um.. Yeah I did, the blonde was just not me." I replied.

"It looks really nice," he smiled looking down.

"Umm thanks." Now he's complimenting my hair! I tried not to blush.

"So…how have you been lately?" he said sitting down next to me, right next to me. Our legs were pretty much touching and I tried to get myself to move away, but I just couldn't do it.

"um.. fine," I lied. I've been completely miserable without him, but I wasn't gonna tell him that. "You?"

"Umm…" he looked at me "not too good actually." He admitted.

"Why?" I asked concerned.

"Well it's nothing. Just Mac falls isn't going so well and I don't know I've been kinda….lonely lately." He said sincerely. I put my cup down and sat up.

"Ohh I know how you feel." I spoke.

"So why were you crying?" he asked looking over at me.

"I told you I hit my head," I squeaked.

"Sonny, you can tell me." he said genuinely. I wanted to, I really did. Maybe he feels the same way.

"I..I just." I started. I didn't know how I could say this. "have you ever really loved someone you should hate?" I asked. We looked at each other before he answered.

"yeah… I have." he said avoiding my eye contact.

"And you know you could never be with them no matter what."

"yeah….I actually do know." he admitted. He does? Well maybe he knows how I feel.

"yeah well that's what's the matter." I spoke. He definitely doesn't know its him. His face looked kinda almost jealous for a moment, he couldn't be.

"So, who is this guy?" He said sounding actually pretty jealous. Oh Chad, it's you, ya idiot.

I starred at him, and he just starred back for about a minute. We were only about a foot away from each other and I just starred into his eyes, hoping he's get the hint.

He looked at me with concern for a while. Then bam it hit him. He looked away for a second then back at me as if he couldn't believe it. Then he mouthed 'me?'

I started to cry again. This was very bad, there's no way he feels the same. I knew I would regret this. I never should have came into his dressing room with him. I had to get out of here before anything worse could happen.

He put his hand on my shoulder and tried to get me to look at him, but I was crying too hard and I looked the other way.

He was speechless. He must hate me. I could hear him now, 'what is wrong with you. You know how much your cast hates me! There gonna kill me because of this!' I cried even harder and stood up. I had to get out of here now.

"Sonny?" he nervously called for me as I went to leave.

I walked towards the door and he grabbed me.

"No Chad!" I exclaimed.

"Sonny, please!" He put his arm around my waist to stop me from leaving. I didn't know what to do.

I finally just turned around and cried into his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around me and rested his head against mine. We stayed like this and he started brushing my hair with his hand whiled I cried my eyes out.

"Shh, it's ok." He whispered to me. I shook my head. No it's not ok. Even if he felt the same way we could never be together again.

"Nothing's ok!" I whispered back. He hugged me tighter and I continued to cry.

"Sonny?" he finally said after a few minutes.

I didn't say anything and he continued "do you really love _me_?" he asked. I nodded, I couldn't make it any worse so there was no point in lying.

"…I love you too," he whispered back. Oh My God! Did he seriously say he loves me too? I was shocked and I couldn't move. I don't know If I was happy or not. I guess I was and I smiled a little.

"Really?" I asked when I could finally speak because I still couldn't believe it. "Or are you just saying that?"

"No, I really do love you. I've never stopped. I just thought you hated me" I don't blame him for thinking that. I mean I was supposed to be hating him. "And I really miss you too."

I smiled and giggled, but this could never work out. I slightly pulled away from his embrace "Chad, this can't happen."

"why not?" he asked confused.

"My cast, they'd hate me and kick me off the show," which they probably would if they knew I went behind there backs after everything.

"Sonny no, we could make this work." he said being optimistic.

"How?" I asked.

"I don't know. Maybe we don't have to tell them about us." I smiled as he said us. How would that work? Not tell my cast about us, like a secret relationship. No, we could never pull that off. They would find out, wouldn't they?

"Chad, I don't think-"

"how do you know? It could work, we could make it." he said cutting he off.

"Are you sure?" I asked doubtfully. He intertwined his fingers with mine and smiled his amazing smile that I missed so much.

"Positive." He assured me. I giggled because I knew what was coming next.

"Ok. Good."

"Good." he nodded.

"Fine."

"Fine."

Then we kissed right there. I missed the feeling of his lips on mine most of all. That spark I felt with no one other than him. I didn't know if this was gonna work out or not, but at that moment I could care less about my cast because Chad was all mine and nobody else's.


End file.
